Ian Schwartz

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Ian drives a Subaru since he is from Maine. Joe Fenstermaker, the previous author of this article, is obsessed with cars and when he is home he washes and waxes his own car almost every day (no joke, Joe himself proudly told me so). Joe defines people by the cars they drive, and also only drinks water from the first floor faucet.

Ian's mother mated with a Scorpion.

Ian despises shaving and willful ignorance. He was Plato from the School of Athens for his last Halloween, but everyone thought he was Moses. Before that he was a nearly-naked Theseus and almost froze to death, but believes it was worth it. He hopes to live in Rome in September, and recently applied to spend two months learning Turkish in Turkey over the summer, admitting to himself that it was kind of a long shot. He will also be selling his soul to Satan in order to join Polina Barskova and James_Wald (der Geist der stets verneint--"the spirit who always denies"), his advisors, in Prague this May.

He lives his life largely ignorant of the world around him, and was not aware of this page's existence until six o'clock on an uncertain saturday morning. For his Div III he is writing historical novellas and epic poems about neglected people in history, like Scipio Africanus "greater than Napoleon", the poet Ovid's return to Rome from exile, and Max Thrax; and is also composing a great deal of love poetry for someone, though long ago he admitted the cause was hopeless, the Erosian arrow cruel. Joe, meanwhile, is making a movie about Quakers.

Ian can be found wandering the night when it's warm enough, in the library, in the airport lounge, or on the bridge, at almost any time of day. He likes summer thunderstorms, Gustave Flaubert, pesto, rapid acceleration in moving vehicles, the sun the moon the stars the clouds, and talks about spaceships in his sleep.

He somehow managed to get the lead roles in White_Zombie and Faust even though he really is just the worst actor. He sucks at guitar but that won't stop him from playing AIR guitar whenever his ears imbibe the divine melodies of Ali Farka Toure. A girl once called him a douche bag in his Honesty Box; his Div III is called The Exemplary Novellas, after a lesser-known work by Cervantes, who once saved Ian's life while he was rotting on the isle of Bali in January of 2008.

His website is here, his photography is here.

Ian is the undisputed ruler of mod 66 and is the only reason anyone ever comes by at all.