Dakin F4

Dakin F4 is a residence hall often cited as the birthplace of roller derby. Located in scenic Anarchist Catalonia, F4 attracts many tourists during mud season. During Operation Uranus, F4 gained global attention. After its cousin, Jackie Oh, found out about the terrible conditions of F4'sanus, repairs were made and a documentary was made. Today, F4 is home to eleven residents, several hundred flies, and an Ice-T shrine.

History
F4 has a unique history, hosting such Hampshire notables as Josiah?. Whitney is the current intern for F4. From Fall of 2006 to Spring of 2007 F4 was overseen by Aliya Bonar who then went on to an illustrious career in Mod 16 and later 66. From fall 2004 to Spring 2006 F4 was overseen by Rose who now works at GEO as an alumn.

In fall of 2007, F4 became Fphour, as Katelyn Baker, Kari Collins, Sarah Danson, Rachael Jarnes, and Emma Mathis (also Liz Springer when she remembered that she lived there) took over and turned it into the awesomest (sub-free) hall that ever awesomed, mostly by throwing many many costume parties, and covering the lounge in pictures of gay people from various nineties. In the TP Lounge Review, their television schedule was described as "oppressively authoritative," and it has since been sponsored by Mussolini. In Janterm 2008, Fphour began production on a YouTube program entitled "Living Strange Days."

The 2008-2009 school year saw F4 occupied by a Republican, googly eyes, the best magnet poetry on campus, Barry White (for a short, but glorious period of time), dynamic polaroid pictures, lots of throwing shit off the balcony, modern art installations in the snow, a short period of erotic storytime (led by the fondly remembered Molly Surls), rodent balls, cold ants in the refrigerator, the WORST smelling refrigerator ever, and many other pursuits.

In 2009, residents discovered the Room of Requirement. The hall was immediately filled with bikers, bakers, dancing narwhals, and people with names starting with a 'G'. There is a mild obsession with Harry Potter, and an extreme excitement regarding decorating for the holidays.

(It should be noted that 08-09 F4 thinks 09-10 F4 is hella cool. We keep meaning to leave you guys stuff in the lounge to throw off the balcony--to follow in our footsteps--but we forget.)

In 2010, residents realized that the majority of them would be doing homework for forever, and also that As the World Turns and Masterpiece Theatre are very enjoyable shows. We had an N64, then we lost it, then we got it back. Our lounge is hyper decorated, we might possibly study more than the Study-Intensive kids next door, and once in a while, we hang streamers on the lounge balcony. Freshmen mill through the halls, looking for a party, but instead we creep out of our dimly lit rooms, eyes huge, imploring them to join our study group.

Actually that's a complete lie, because nobody mills through our halls ever because we're on the top floor.

Also we realized that Adam is the reason ''we can't have nice things, dammit. (Except when he brings everyone cookies and candy and everything nice ever.)''

Residents
2012-2013 residents Lounge - F401: Home of squatters Rebecca & Walter despite the fact that neither of them have lounge keys.

Adam "Danger" Mullarkey - F406: Chill bro. Dislikes superfluous clothing, but only for himself; keep them titties on lock, ladies. Likes street fighting & hip-hop. Future entrepreneur. Will not reveal the Wu-Tang secret. Doesn't need a chaser to drink vodka. Unafraid of hallucinogenic drugs. Slams doors. Beats up Rebecca to show affection. Myers-Briggs type: INTP.

Sam Grossman: Otp is deadpool and the joker.

Dan Webb: astute follower of "touhou", can show you every fan-made object from within the universe. do not joke with this man, he will take you seriously and release a piercing banshee scream

Cam Evans: Likes drills.  Rebecca Carberry: forces drinking games upon the innocent youth

Konstantin "Kostya" Kahl: kid with the 'arm', yes he will wear it during sex

This hall is freaking sausage fest.

Honorary Members: Lani Mohan: attempting to invade hall. currently lives under carpet.

Deceased Members:

Chione - F404: Hails from Spanish Harlem. Killed in a tragic spice accident. Repeatedly claimed the hall "did not know what spicy was". Loved to trap, loved to cuss. Myers-Briggs type: INFJ. John Cortes III - F408: Goddamn hipster. Formally best dressed in Dakin F4. Loved to preach & draw out elaborate theories based upon trivial knowledge & inference. This is due to his messianic complex, moments before his death he claimed there would be a 'second coming', Hampshire still awaits this day. Played some pretty good music almost all the time. Tragically overdosed on marijuana. Best at drinking games and will not be forgotten. Myers-Briggs type: INTP.

2010-2011 residents Lounge - F401: Decorated with baby lion plates and streamers; is a Birthday Princess everyday &amp; has the sash to prove it. Pictures of Hathaway adorn the walls, causing several of F4s residents to swoon on occasion upon enterance. Adam Quinn - F402: Deceptively quiet, but possesses a cunning mastery of dick jokes. Shed more than a tear at the Butterfree episode of Pokemon. F403:

Julia Jagger - F404: Newcomer to the hall; built her own computer, knows all about (folk) metal, has the sweetest room ever. Damn we love Julia. Loves hegemony.

Rachel Hinant - F405: Has the best sleep shirt ever...it has Edgar Allen Poe on it. Dan Homer - F406: Makes up for sub-sub-par Bananagram skills with tea and Zen-like calm. Keeps money in a chest like a very nice pirate. Also will someone please drink his Chinese Oolong tea? Please? Julie Pedtke- F407: Absolutely sweet. Seriously, just the nicest. Also, the most athletic of our hall because we're pretty sure she's the only one here who knows how to play a sport. Irene Howard- F408: Obsessed with the X-Men in every incarnation, yet owns a deceptively small collection of said comics. Has a car named after a Russian existentialist, loves short stories, and is in love with Joss Whedon's brain. Allison McCarthy- F409: Magikarp is her spirit guide; her room will probably burn the quickest due to numerous fire code violations, but at least it will burn the most stylishly. Elana Brown - F410: Her voice cures all malice and ill-intent in the world. Also it's very nice. She is also the keeper of the Bananagrams. Rebecca Lee - F411: Adorable, has tupperware and mochi and a nice corner window we all envy, knows everything about anything. Reads newspapers (?!). Intern Michael Drucker - F412: LOVES THE FoFlo MORE than hair wraps!!

Honorary Members:

Conor Grogan - We don't know where he lives?: Likes juggling, webcomics. Has a terrifying laugh. Often spends time with F4 members by playing Zoids in the lounge.

Sarah - Sarah lives in CT and is dating Adam and although we don't know her very well, she seems very nice and she also makes some goddamn spectacular cookies.

Alex - Michael's friend who has an honorary residence in a closet on F4 but on like the third day of college we totally thought there was someone living in there so we knocked and opened it and it was just an empty broom closet so that was embarassing for everyone involved, really.

Mordecai: Allison's security system.

Natty: F4's pet dog. Don't tell housing. He is a trained dog and plays an accordion and doesn't poop inside.

Edit: Goddamnit Adam he's not a dog, stop petting him

Brady: G4's broamin' viking; swings by to pillage graham crackers and women (because we are basically all women). You don't know what she's got! Provides much-needed drop-in cheer quickies, occasional storytimes, and many many boattimes.

2009-2010 residents

Gabriel Rowe - F402: Serenades us with Blind Pilot and Death Cab for Cutie songs into the night, thinks his room is smaller than everyone else's. Turned his mirror around. (?!) Whistles a lot... or tries to. Definite night owl. His bike is an honorary resident of F4, often being found in the hall, but mostly kept in his room. Tried to knit... once. Apparently thinks our "First Hall Meeting" is every night at 7:30 in FPH. and is always washing the dishes late at night.

Rachel Ithen - F403: Drops way too many hackysacks while trying to juggle. Likes late night showers, and is the residential paper snowflake extraordinaire. Is obsessed with XKCD. Hoards snacks in her room. Is planning a colorful surprise for her hall (If you haven't already done so, tell me your favorite colors!). Likes Nerf Guns better than foam swords, but will still happily spend her weekends doing either. Used to be scared of G2, but we coo' now.

Graham Abraham - F404: Expert at animation and making films about Kira biking. Has a good taste in movies (yeah, The Departed!), and is yet another F4 bike rider. Passes out yummy cookies.

George Dyment - F406: Shows off with his mad juggling skillz. Yet ANOTHER bike rider on F4, and another wonderful serenader. Apparently enjoys garlic &amp; horseradish kombucha, and still hasn't answered Rachel on whether or not he will see Ani with her. (HINT HINT) Was once a victim to the mysterious bicycle napper. Always offers to wash dishes. Has nice boots.

Franny Kimball-Katz - F408: Known for having fun guests over, and apparently is a coffee fiend. Wears an adorable unitard, and puts up with having to step over everyone during hall gatherings. Has cute shirts with people's grandmothers on them and cute socks from Faces.  

Greg Josselyn - F412: Intern of the entire fourth floor, and is a Div III working in theatre. Covered our doors with a"door"able felines (heh heh, get it?!). Doesn't mind our fire hazard hall parties. Pretty much the most awesome-est intern ever.

Hannah Shannon - F410: Gives out candy like every day is Halloween. Has an awesome holographic Transformers backpack. Is the resident skateboarder and doesn't mind teaching the rest of us. Brings out the children in us by providing crayons and coloring books. "Hannah, if you were my ___, where would you be?" -Kelsey. Resides in Massachusetts normally and therefore informs us (or warns us) of weather to come. Wickedpissa.

Grace Rosen - F409: Hosted one of the first guests on F4. Does homework (or says she does) on weekend evenings, but gets distracted by Excalibur and video games. Visits H2 regularly. Likes science and math, which is strangely uncommon on Hampshire. Understands that the cake is a lie. Has been obsessed with Excalibur pretty much since she was born. (Or since last year.) Contrary to popular belief, she does not eat sweatshirts.

Kelsey Saake - F407: Has an impressive collection and knowledge of various teas. Decorates the hall (and bathroom) with adorable dinosaurs and even cuter poems about toilet seats. Knits and does about every other craft known to man. Will save your life if you ever find yourself drowning. Is learning to juggle, and will also have to learn to adapt to the cold. Has introduced us to the world of vegan baking.

Kira McCoy - F405: Has probably the most decorative room of the hall. From the Dakin quad one can see the amount of beautiful foliage populating her window sill. Has a mini world inside her outlet boxes. Adds to F4's athleticism, but with soccer balls rather than bicycle wheels. Has suspicious looking tea leaves. Is yet another F4 fan of baking.

 Honorary Members  :  

Josh, Gavi, Nora, Anna, Mike, Rachel, Lily, Dan

2008-2009 residents

Palmer Foley: A quiet, but awesome dude with a cow on his door. Lends some lovely background music to the hall with his guitar (and is an utter maniac on the drums). Pulls off green hair like a motherfucker. Cute girlfriend.

Ella Wind: Dresses like a lady, but could rip your goddamn balls off. Has a low regard for lazy, scruffy Hampshire Hippies. On Community Council. Economics fangirl. Skinny white boys need not apply.

David Warshow: The Divemaster. A man prone to rodents, ants, and the purchasing of speakers, bouncy castles and gorilla suits. Nom nom nom.

Riva Morton: Look for the girl with feathers and paper cranes in her hair. Tiny but dangerous.

Juliet Kahn: Orders panini from Andiamo every other night. Tsundere.

Jordan Persson: Has a thing for REALLY GIANT HEADPHONES and David Bowie. Possibly gay, impossibly skinny. Has a radio show, microwave, and heaps of bad puns. That Psycho with the Fucking Speakerhead. Teaches classes at MIT entitled How to Rock (the Fuck) Out.

Molly Surls: Left, tragically, after the first semester. A classy, level-headed lady who is enormously missed. Read aloud porn for the enjoyment of everyone. Knows her way around a bicycle. Could not enter and leave Amherst or Northampton without being asked out at least once.

Chris Droeshn: Replaced Molly. JAX.

David Beyer: Pulls off a skirt. Is the utter pinnacle of Hampshire Hippiedom, but to his credit, is honestly intelligent. Jailbait.

 Honorary Members  :  

Morgana Smith: Alternates between F4, Merrill, and Mod 66. Whore for clown masks and Nick Cave. Aesthete. JOIN CIRCUS. 

Ian Campbell: Will instruct you to take off your pants, in all likelihood. Plays lots of video games, is known to occasionally rock out and film the whole thing even though he told you the webcam was off. Fan of comedy jokes.

James Hartman: Morgana's paramour. Is fond of lighting himself on fire.

Residential Areas:
Fly City:


 * Fly City is the worst city * Nobody wants to visit Fly City * Fly City happens whenever it's warm out * We don't know whether leaving the doors open helps or not * Fly City smells like a lot of Bath and Body Body Splash Spray Scents * If you enter the F4 Lounge when Fly City's tourist season is in full swing, you risk getting a spritz of 409 to the face--take it like a man. * If you use Sarah's flip flops you can kill them mid-flight * Fly City is a nice way of saying "why the christ are there three hundred flies reproducing in the lounge?" * Seriously it's just the worst.
 * Fly city's tourist season will probably boom yet again in the Spring. Residents are not pleased.

 Gangster's Paradise: 

Located in F404, home of a one miss Julia Jaggahhhh (who did reel gud at ahhht, will she come get hah diplomaaahhh?) and sometimes a lounge couch. The go-to spot for bro movie nights and British murder nights and anytime we need a television that does not need to be turned on with a pair of scissors.

 The Ladycave: 

F409.

(I hate you guys.)

Things often said while in the Ladycave:

"Jeez, why is it so freakin' hot in here?"

"Is that a picture of Robin and Batman making out?"

"Bro up."

"Your Ladycave has a tight fit."

"It's raining out, is your Ladycave getting moist?"

"Can I go in the Ladycave?"

"You can fit three people in your Ladycave?"

"You can't just force your way into the Ladycave, jesus guys."

"I'm halfway out of the Ladycave."

"His head's in the Ladycave!"

Edit: As of November 30th, the Ladycave is no more. Ladycaves are fleeting and mercurial, and you must cherish them while they are on this earth. Get over it, guys.

Trivia
Check the wall for dioramas and notes in the blank electrical boxes—a world of discovery awaits. These were installed by F4 residents in 2003 or 2004.

That one thing in the lounge is creepy as all get out. Just by the way.

Things Frequently Heard During Masterpiece Mystery Viewings:


 * "Wallander sucks"
 * "When does Sherlock start?"
 * "There are flies everywhere."
 * "shhhhh"
 * "Why doesn't that Scottish guy have his own mystery?"
 * "wait shut up Hathaway's on screen."
 * "wait shut up Hathaway's wearing a jacket"
 * "wait shut up Hathaway's drinking tea"
 * "SHHHH"
 * "This isn't as good as Sherlock."
 * "Police don't carry guns in Britain."
 * "Did you know that police don't carry guns in Britain?"
 * "Is that the Greek cult?"
 * "Natty stop barking at the screen it's not a real dog."
 * "That wasn't as good as Sherlock."  
 * "Can you pass the cookie dough?"
 * "Adam, stop petting him!"